


If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

by Supernaturalaholic12



Series: Matthew Has Emotions: The Series [4]
Category: Dreamer Trilogy - Maggie Stiefvater, Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Blood, Gen, Hospitals, Kinda?, Near-Death Experience, car crash, declan is a worried older brother and his ulcers are justified, fuck niall lynch, introspection x, matthew has bones in this one, matthew is gay, matthew-centric, organs too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:07:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27810496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supernaturalaholic12/pseuds/Supernaturalaholic12
Summary: Matthew was reckless and now he was pretty sure he was going to die and he realises he really really doesn't want to.Read the notes or the tags for trigger warnings.
Relationships: Declan Lynch & Matthew Lynch, Declan Lynch & Matthew Lynch & Ronan Lynch, Matthew Lynch & Ronan Lynch, Matthew Lynch/Original Male Character
Series: Matthew Has Emotions: The Series [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1980977
Comments: 7
Kudos: 11





	If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings for:
> 
> \- Car crash  
> \- Broken bones  
> \- Injury  
> \- (Referenced) Death  
> \- (Referenced) Yelling  
> \- Food (Mentioned)

Looking back, Matthew wasn’t the best at decision-making. Of course, anybody could tell you that breaking the law (driving without an adult in the car when he only had a learner’s permit) was never a good idea, but Ronan had driven recklessly thousands of times, why was it different if he did it?

(Of course, it was different because Ronan knew how to drive. Matthew didn’t. Or at least he hadn’t learned to check his surroundings without Declan there to remind him.)

So, Matthew should’ve known that driving to Subway at three am when he lived in Washington wasn’t a good idea. He didn’t though, because he was Matthew and sometimes he was an idiot. And he didn’t want to wake up Declan and he wanted a sandwich and he  _ had _ the money and he had the means to get there so nothing could go wrong, right?

Matthew wasn’t…  _ entirely  _ sure how long he’d been lying there. (Does it count as lying if you’re upside down? Unsure.) In his defense he wasn’t sure how long he’d been awake, or if he’d even fallen asleep to begin with.

His head hurt. He was pretty sure his  _ everything  _ hurt, but his head hurt. Maybe he’d hit it? That would explain the ringing in his ears.

_ God,  _ he was an idiot. Only  _ he  _ would crash the car. Declan was going to be so mad- Matthew had  _ promised _ not to drive by himself but _ of course _ he had to break that promise because he wanted  _ food. _ That was  _ pathetic. _

He’d have to do something big to apologise, if only he could get out, move himself just a bit- oh, nope, no moving. It’s just waiting now, I guess?

...except there did seem to be a  _ weird _ amount of blood. He couldn’t be hurt that bad, right? It wasn’t like he had bones to break or organs to rupture. But his arm looked like it was at a weird angle, and if Matthew thought about it a bit he was  _ sure _ there wasn’t a branch - or whatever that was - buried in his gut before.

Thinking about it made him lightheaded. Or maybe he was just lightheaded? How much blood had he lost? He wasn’t sure, and it was getting hard to stay awake.

* * *

Matthew was seven. He could hear laughing. It was his birthday. They’d decided to have just a family party that year, but then Dad had to leave and he took then-eleven-year-old Declan with him, so it was just Mom and Ronan. That was okay. They could save some cake for Declan. (They didn’t. Matthew and Ronan ate it all, but they got a new cake to eat with Declan.)

Matthew was ten. He was at school. It was his first day. Ronan had ruffled his hair and told him to have fun. Declan told him if anyone messed with him to tell Declan. They both said he could sit with them if he didn’t make any friends, and that it was okay to not make any on the first day. He ate lunch alone.

Matthew was twelve. He could hear shouting downstairs. Declan had been out late and Dad had noticed. Matthew decided he didn’t like shouting. He had his blanket over his head and hands over his ears and knees against his chest. He felt more than heard a door slam. He waited a moment and snuck into Declan’s room. Declan told him it was okay, it wasn’t that bad. Declan hugged Matthew. That’s where Mom found them the next day.

Matthew was fourteen. He was a freshman. He’d been invited to a party. He had a cup of juice in his hand because Ronan had told him if he drank anything even mildly alcohol he’d tell dad. He had his first kiss. It was with a boy. His jeans feel uncomfortable but he can’t stop grinning on the way home.

Matthew was fifteen. He was making toast. Declan was home, which was weird because Dad was on one of his trips. They were talking. Matthew asked where Ronan was. Declan shrugged. They heard a scream. Matthew regrets going outside. Matthew started having nightmares.

Matthew was fifteen. The nightmares were slowing down. He was in his dorm room. He got a call. Ronan was in the hospital.

Matthew was fifteen. He was scared. It was dark. He was in a trunk. He didn’t want to die. He wanted his brothers there. He wanted to cry. Declan stayed in his room that night. Matthew started having nightmares again.

Matthew was fifteen. He was officially an orphan, but he’d unofficially been an orphan for months. They got ice cream. He started going to therapy.

Matthew was sixteen. Declan and Ronan threw a surprise birthday party for him. Matthew came out to his brothers. They took a group photo and Matthew put on in a frame by his bed. He got a boyfriend.

Matthew was seventeen. He wasn’t real. He didn’t have organs. His brothers had been lying to him for years. Matthew smashed the framed photo. He considered getting drunk. He felt like puking after the first drink and just cried.

* * *

Matthew was seventeen. He was pretty sure he was dying. He could see a bright light and he couldn’t remember if it had been there before. Maybe it was the other car- was there another car? Oh God, had he been lying there when someone needed help? How fucking  _ selfish- _ he was  _ disgusting- _

Matthew gasped at the wet  _ squelch _ and lightning bolt of pain when he tried to move. He wanted to cry. He was pretty sure he  _ was _ crying. He wanted his brothers. He wanted a hug. He wanted to apologise to Ronan and hug Declan and he wished he’d stayed in bed. He wanted to call his boyfriend and he wanted to  _ talk  _ to somebody about  _ everything _ but he  _ hadn’t _ and now he’d lashed out in the wrong way and he was going to die on the side of the road alone because he was a  _ fucking idiot. _

None of that mattered, though. He was here. He’d fucked up spectacularly. He’d made his bed and he was tied to the bedframe.

He didn’t know how long he’d been awake and he didn’t think he’d be awake much longer.

He wondered what his funeral would look like.


End file.
